When I Grow Up: A Funny Parenting Story About the Future

When you’re a baby growing up, everyone thinks you’re too little to understand things, but I understand a lot. I’ve been watching the grown-ups very closely, and this is going to be a funny parenting story one day. Because when I grow up, things around here are definitely going to be different.

I’m a big girl and not a little baby anymore, but one day I’ll be even bigger. I’ll be as big as Mommy! When I’m all done growing, there are going to be some changes.

I will be true to my fruitavore nature and consume a diet of primarily fruit. I’ll supplement with some occasional Cheerios for variety. There will also be juice at every meal and maybe between meals too. I like juice a lot.

When I’m bigger, I will no longer allow myself to be confined to the baby zone. I will be free to roam the house as I please. I’ll even be able to go upstairs all by myself whenever I want. No more waiting for someone to carry me to where I want to go.

I will also be big enough to reach things I want. No more playing keep away with Peachy by putting things up on the mantel. That’s just not fair. I protest the injustice loudly, but nobody pays attention to us little people. I’ll get big and then things will be different!

A Baby Growing Up On Her Terms

Bath time will have a lot more splashing and a lot less lathering. Why lather up if you’re just going to rinse anyway? It’s a waste of valuable splashing time. I’ll bathe when I feel like splashing, and bath time will be over when I’m all splashed out.

I will dress up for no reason. No more dressing up for photo shoots or to see people. I will put on pretty clothes when I feel like it just to enjoy them myself. The rest of the time will be spent in comfy pajamas. I see no point in any middle ground when it comes to wardrobe.

When I’m grown up, my toys will not be put away every night. That makes it harder for me to find things in the morning. I don’t have time to waste. All my toys will be evenly distributed all over the floor and on every tabletop. It just makes more sense that way.

I’m going to need money to buy toys, fruit, juice, and pretty dresses. I have decided on a career. When I grow up, I’m going to be a professional button presser. I’m very good at pressing buttons. I think that would be the perfect job for me.

My successful button-pressing career is sure to earn me a lot of money. I will use some of it to pay someone else to do the cooking and cleaning. That way Mommy will have more time to play with me. I hate waiting for the dishes to be done before we can start a game of catch me if you can.

This Funny Parenting Story Needs Some Love

When I’m big, I will demand that our cats love me. I demand it now, but they pay no attention. When I’m bigger, they will have to listen to me the same way that I have to listen to Mommy now. Smaller things listen to bigger things. That’s just the way it works.

I will also be in command of the TV. How do you make it play the show you want to watch? I stand in front of it, yell at it, and bash it with my hand, but it ignores me. It listens to grown-ups, but it never listens to me. When I’m among the grown-ups, the TV will have to listen to me too.

I can’t wait to grow up. Mommy says I’m growing so fast, but I think it’s happening much too slowly. Life will be so much easier when I’m grown up. How much longer will I have to wait?

So that’s my plan for when I’m finally big. I know everyone thinks this is just a funny parenting story, but I’m very serious about it. Being a baby growing up is hard work, and I’m doing my best every day. One day I’ll be one of the grown-ups too, and when that day comes, everything is going to work exactly the way I want it to.