Wooden blocks and pull along toys are fine, but I’m a baby of the 21^st century. I have to stay on top of advancements in technology to remain competitive and relevant in this world. A modern baby simply can’t afford to fall behind. These are not simple times.

When mommy needs to take care of mommy related activities, she brings me my tablet. As soon as I see it coming, I get impatient to get to work. I run over and yell while mommy pokes at the device. After what seems like an eternity I get my hands on the tablet and I get to work.

Mommy goes about her business leaving me to concentrate. This is a sophisticated piece of technology and it requires my full attention. I hold it carefully in both hands as I place it flat on the ground before me. I get comfortable next to my tablet and I give it an intense look.

I see nothing but a matte grey surface. I immediately realize that something isn’t right. I flip the tablet over and with a thump the screen is revealed. That’s much better. Now I can get down to business.

The screen is covered in colourful shapes with silly faces. I touch one and it dances about while a cheerful tune plays. I smile and clap my hands. I do like music. I listen and watch the shapes jump around on the screen.

As the melody fades I tap another shape and a new song begins. This is followed by more clapping. I repeat this process several times to test for consistency. Every time I touch a shape, a brand new tune begins just as I expected. So far, so good.

Next I deploy my pincer at one of the shapes and I try to pick it up. The shape jumps out of the way and dances around. I follow after it and try to pincer it again but it darts away for a second time. I abandon the pincer and go for a full on grab.

I look at my now closed fist with high hopes. I turn my hand over and slowly open my fist, but it turns out to be empty. Even though I’ve had the same result every time, I still feel a pang of disappointment. I keep hoping for the day when I find a smiling shape sitting in the palm of my hand.

I look at the happy shapes dancing on the screen, and I pounce on them with both hands. Nothing. I pounce again! Still nothing. I smack the screen repeatedly with both hands and it explodes with lights, sounds, and dancing shapes. I watch all the animated activity with satisfaction.

As the music stops and the shapes go back to their more relaxed state, I repeat the two-handed smacking procedure. The results are the same and the shapes dance around in the midst of lights and sounds. I wait for the show to end and I try it again, but this time I get one foot in there with a few kicks.

All the sounds stop and the screen goes dark. I give the tablet a tap with my hand. No effect. I try a little nudge with my foot. Nothing changes and the screen remains dark. I do a double slap and kick combo. No change.

I shriek at it a little but still there is no reaction from the tablet. Then I shriek at it a lot but that has no effect either. Getting upset now, I howl in mommy’s general direction. Mommy is significantly more responsive and arrives promptly to assist.

Mommy picks up the tablet while I look on with concern. She works her magic and within seconds I see the illuminating glow reflect off mommy’s face. I immediately get impatient that I don’t have the tablet in my hands yet. Mommy ignores my grumbles and fidgets with the tablet while I grumble louder.

Then I hear the music of the dancing shapes come on again as mommy hands the tablet back to me. There they are on the screen just as colourful as I remember and they’re all smiling at me. I put the tablet back on the ground and prepare my pincer for deployment. I think I’ll catch one of these shapes this time. I have a really good feeling about this.